So what is it YOU are actually looking for, and how will YOU know when you have found it?
One of the first question I usually ask when I’m working with clients is, ‘If we could give YOU exactly what you wanted in the world, what would that be?’
Many people will come back with, a holiday or a new car, or maybe a new partner, or some extra cash. All of these THINGS are really useful, but very rarely deliver what we are truly looking for in life.
You see, fundamentally, what people are really looking for is to be content, and to feel good about themselves. In the work I do we have two different ways to look at behaviour and how we drive our lives. People are either ILOC (Internal Locus Control) or ELOC (External Locus Control). We generally flip between the two, but one of the two tends to be stronger.
ELOC – External Locus Control – is when we look for gratification externally; I’ll be content when I get that new car, that new house, or that big holiday.
ILOC – Internal Locus Control – people tend to look internally for contentment; they are happier within themselves, and are happier with who they are and their ‘lot’ in life.
Generally, the work we do within Cognitive Therapy is to try to move people from ELOC to ILOC; that way they can be happier within themselves, be content and live a more contented life.
The main principle of ILOC and ELOC is not to stop people wanting that car, that holiday, or that new partner, but simply to realise that the real answer is inside. You can keep looking externally, but you will just move onto the next thing, and the next and the next.
So, if YOU could have exactly what you wanted in YOUR world today, what would that be? Would it be to be and to feel more ILOC, being at one with yourself? There is absolutely no reason why you can’t enjoy the car, the holiday, or the new partner, but feeling more ILOC will get you to accept the situation so much better, and may be feel better about You.
So, don’t give up on your dreams – dreams are good – but do try to think and feel more ILOC. That way you will enjoy everything about being the best possible you – which is all we can envisage of ourselves.
If you would like some help to be more ILOC in your life, why not get in touch, and find out how Cognitive Hypnotherapy can really help you achieve that
If you would like to know more about Cognitive hypnotherapy Checkout its perception magazine
Further articles written by Rob can be found at Here