I have a friend who will insist that life continues to give you exactly the same until you ask for something different, and I would say that this is about right. Change doesn’t happen unless you make a change. And change is really not easy; it is something we all struggle with at some point in our lives.
Giving in to human nature, and seeing ourselves as the victim, is a sure fire way of missing the key lessons life may be trying to teach us. Obviously, there are times when you are the victim, and this can be very painful; some people go through tremendous trauma and hardship in life, and that needs to be worked through and respected.
But being a genuine victim is very different to playing the, ‘life’s got it in for me’ card; there is a massive difference between the two.
Becoming resigned to defeat – the mute acceptance that what happens to you is beyond your own control – is one of the most unhelpful and destructive emotional states. What you allow will continue, and life is shaped by the choices we make every day!
One of the choices we always get to make is whether or not to examine our decisions, and look for the patterns and context that drives them. That context often lies in our childhood experiences, and lifting the covers on the past isn’t always easy; it takes courage. And that is where Cognitive Hypnotherapy comes in.
Our subconscious actually understands all of these difficulties, and gives us the tools we need to make the right choices. Anxiety, for example, is the subconscious telling us we need to change something, even if we don’t know at the time quite what that something might be.
Similarly depression; it isn’t simply a card you just get dealt in life’s macabre game of chance, or something you endure forever by gritting your teeth or upping your meds. It’s a sign that you need to work through things, and express what’s going on, because depression is ‘pain turned inwards’ helping you to find a way to heal your wounds, clear up your thinking and create a much, much better relationship with yourself.
Bad relationships are a sign that you need to love yourself more, and understand why you’re endlessly re-creating your own trauma. And addiction isn’t just about dependency; it’s about what happened in the past that makes you dependent.
But we can only take responsibility for change when we choose to get off the victim’s merry-go-round of self-blame – ‘I’m not good enough’ – and self-pity – ‘Why does this always happen to me?’
And the good news is that the inspiration to change is all around us. The world is full of amazing people who grew up with severe and complex trauma; trauma that was so completely disempowering that they decided their path could only be to become as personally powerful as possible. And I love that emotionally pioneering spirit.
When we do suffer an emotional setback, it’s important that we let ourselves grieve, giving ourselves adequate time and space to heal. But it’s also vital that we try not to lose sight of the lesson. And once we’ve been supported through the healing, and we understand the lesson, then we can make the right decision to move forward positively.
Most learning cycles become easier as we become more practiced at them, and so it’s not unreasonable to hope that eventually we stop learning through pain and learn through awareness instead.
Being aware, and becoming more aware, is something that Cognitive Hypnotherapy can really bring to the party. Once you become more aware then change becomes possible; you just have to commit to following the path and executing the required actions. It’s not always easy, I know, but it is possible.
Nobody said change was going to be easy, but using Cognitive Hypnotherapy it is very, very possible!